I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
