we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
