im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
