Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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