I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
