and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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