I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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