new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
