3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
