We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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