The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
