Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
