What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
