ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
