I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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