addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
