I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
