the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
