Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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