I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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