she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
