how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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