Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
