Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
