Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
