Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
