Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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