I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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