is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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