is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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