My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize