Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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