I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
