she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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