I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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