She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
