i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
