I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's even glitter on my cock...
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