Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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