in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
