I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
