he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
