I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
