I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
