Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
