don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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