Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
