I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
