brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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