Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
