WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
