Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
