dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
