you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
