he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
