sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
