I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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