She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We left the knife in your bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
