i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
