If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
