You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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