but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
