My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize