Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
