All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
