I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
