I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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