Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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