i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
