i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
