dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
