So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
