ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
