I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
