She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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