I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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