So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
